Does this picture make my butt look big??

Oh, just adorable???  That's what I thought.

Peace out,

Cassius

There is so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.  It's my favorite holiday because it's all about family and food... two of my favorites.  It turned out to be one of my favorite weekends ever.  Here's a rundown:

The weekend began on Tuesday for me when Cassius and I went over to Moraga to make some desserts for the weekend.  Sue and I made a Caramel Apple Pie and Pumpkin Ice Cream pie.  Cash was in the wrap the entire time- sleeping, of course.

Brett and Jody arrived that night.

Wednesday, Brett, Jody and Sue picked Cash and I up and we all went to Berkeley.  First stop was Cultured- the Pickle Shop.  Brett and Jody (and Sue) love exotic food, so they enjoyed all the fermented stuff.  I tried a dill pickle, but that was it.  Cash slept through the entire thing.  After the pickle shop, we headed to my kind of shop- Ici, the ice cream shop!

I had one of the best ice creams ever- Brown Sugar Oatmeal Raisin.  So delicious!  Cash slept and ate in the sling the entire time!

Matt met us in Moraga for lamb meatballs (can you see a food theme here?) while I enjoyed my Mango sausage since lamb is not on my favorite list.  Still, it was a great time and enjoyed the Caramel Apple Pie a day early- yummy!

Thursday we enjoyed a morning together, and then headed back over to Moraga for a round of disc golf and Thanksgiving with the Bennetts and the Robbins.  Chuck and Marby's son is engaged and Beth and Collin are pregnant with a boy!  Yeah!  The food was delicious but Cash didn't really want to cooperate at the table!  He woke up just as we were sitting down, so Matt and I ate in the kitchen and I swayed and walked to keep Cash quiet.  After some Pumpkin Pie Ice Cream (amazing!), we headed home.


Friday, Matt and Brett went into the city with Bacony to play disc golf at Golden Gate Park while Jody and I went up to the Glenview to get pedicures!  We both got variations of red- which is a rarity for me, but festive none the less.  Sue stayed at home with Cash, where he proceeded to sleep in her arms the entire time!  We went back over to Moraga for leftovers and then came home and crashed.

On Saturday, we went to Pacifica to the beach and the pier. It was Cash's 2nd trip to the beach since his birth and his first to the pier and he, again, slept the entire time.  We finished off the evening with Sushi at Samurai Sushi Boat.  Cash was actually awake for the entire time and content looking at the lights.  At Samurai, they sing dim the lights and play some funky music to celebrate people's birthday.... after the 1st celebration, the waitress came by and was worried about him, but he did just fine. 

Sunday was a lazy day at home filled with sleeping in, a bit of shopping and putzing around the house.... A perfect and busy weekend, in deed.

Cash started cooing just the other day and he has quite the repetoire already.  I was able to capture a few of the sounds on video... of course he was on his changing table thingy... his go-to happy place.

It just melts my heart :)

Dear Cassius,

It is my intention to write you a little letter each month... a love letter of sorts and to document your life.

You are now 1 month old. It's been a great month getting to know you. It seems like a distant memory that you were in my belly. It doesn't seem that you've established any kind of schedule that I can tell but we are getting to know what you like. Here goes:

* Being nudey on the changing table. It seems you like to look around without your pants on. In the last week, you've decided that you don't like a dirty or wet diaper- which is a change from the first few weeks. Maybe you are just trying to get undressed?

* Eating. You are now 11 lbs. You love boobs (or at least mine). If all else fails to calm you, the boobs will usually do the trick. You also tried the bottle for the first time in the last week. Once you realized there was food inside, you seemed more into it. You drank 2 oz for your dad last night and he was more than tickled.

* Being worn in various carriers. This might have something to do with boobs, but I don't think so as you like to be worn by your dad too (and he doesn't have boobs, just FYI). Thus far you've been worn by many people including Brooke, Abby, Grandma Peters, Grandpa Peters and of course, Dad and Mom. You like to face out and look at the world but you also love facing inward and falling asleep. In fact, you are asleep in the wrap as I type.

* Being outside. Maybe it's the fresh air or all the new sites and sounds (and smells) but you seem to like it outside. We've gone on many walks as a family but perhaps the most special is the mornings that you walk with your Dad. He takes you out on a daily basis so that your Mom can get a few more minutes of sleep. You guys walk all around the neighborhood... My guess is that he's talking or singing to you the entire time.

Speaking of sleeping... you are just starting to sleep more during the night. Last night we had our first 5 hour stretch of time followed by a 3 hour stretch. Thanks Cassius! I seem to have a hard time getting you to go to sleep and stay asleep but your Dad is a pro. He has the sleepy touch in that way.

It seems that gas gets in your way a lot. It gets in our way too since we don't really know how to get it out of you. We're trying gripe water and other things. Bicycling your legs seems to help... or it helps push the farts out anyway.

Speaking of farts... although you do that a lot, farting hasn't made you smile, but we have. Grandma, Grandpa, Mom and Dad have each gotten 1 smile from you so far... and we can't wait to see some more from those chubby little cheeks and cute little lips.

And finally... speaking of body parts... You've got your Mom's chin (actually your Great-Grandpa Dohlman's chin) and your Dad's eyes. So far, your eyes are a dark steel grey/blue and we are just waiting to see what color they will be!

Cassius D., you are the love of my life (along with your dad and your dog, Sibley). I can't wait to watch you grow up to be a little boy. Welcome baby!

Love,

Your Mama

It's been just over 3 weeks since Cassius was born and things "down under" are just getting back to normal. Not having sex normal, but not alien feeling anymore.

I went on a few walks in the first week after having him, which left me feeling "heavy" to say the least. It felt like a giant weight was pulling down on my vagina/uterus/?? and it was not a nice feeling.

The bleeding is finally down to "not much" which is an improvement from marble (and sometimes bigger) clots and regular bleeding.

I can finally walk and sit down and stand up and lie down with normal feeling.

I was finally able to do some trimming without being frightened.

These are things that no one told me about. So I'm telling whomever is going to listen. Here's my advice for new moms in the vagina department.

1) 2 weeks or so before your due date: Trim. If you are at all used to being trimmed below, have someone help you now for you certainly won't want anyone (even yourself) touching anything in the general vicinity for quite some time. This becomes a problem because of a fore mentioned bleeding. It's gets cakey and gooey and gross if there is excess.... so recruit someone to help you. Also, holy cow, batman... this area now seems ginormous after not seeing it for so long. Much bigger area then I remembered!

2) Don't get out of bed/off the couch/up from the chair except to go to the bathroom for the first week... no matter how good you feel, the farthest you should travel is 30 feet. If you need to get outside, sit on the front step or on the back porch or whatever... but dont' travel far. The more you rest now, the better you'll feel later and the sooner you'll be able to resume "normal" activity (of walking across the street and through a parking lot).

3) Sitz baths are your friend. You can buy the fancy ones or use epsom salts... but do what you need to do (ask for help) to sit in the tub for 10 minutes a day. This helped tremendously and wasn't that big of a pain. I read a magazine and was able to leave my shirt on half the time (undressing is such a hassle!). I even was able to breastfeed while sitting in the tub all for the sake of healing the va-jay-jay.

4) Not sure if this is recommended, but if you get itchy/red/rawish... use your baby's diaper rash cream. It feels good.

More labor story to come, but wanted to get something up about Cassius' first week at home. My mom (Mimi Tanner to my niece, Karsyn thus will be known as Mimi until Cassius decides what to call her) arrived on Monday evening, just after our midwife appointment. Cassius was back up to 8 lbs, 7 oz and gaining after his initial weight loss (down to 8 lbs, 4 oz on Sunday morning).

Some milestones/activities:


* He slept in his papasan chair as we enjoyed lasagna on Mimi's first night. He's been joining us for dinner on the dining room table in his papasan every night since.

* He watched his first MLB game at his Mimi Mo's house (that's Mimi Moraga, aka Sue)

* He got his first sponge bath with Sibley supervising- he did not like it.

* He went on his first walk at Lake Merritt and slept in his Beco carrier the entire time.
* He went to the doctor and met Dr. Bean who said he is just perfect! (We agree).
* He went on his first stroller ride to get to the doctor.
* He woke up to his Mimi every morning so that we could get an extra hour (or two) of sleep.

Cassius loves his Mimi (Tanner)!

Thanks Mom!

So I'm feeling really amazing today, on Cassius' 3 week birthday/anniversary, so I thought I'd write the story from the happy, happy, joy, joy perspective (with a ton of honesty thrown in too!) and from my somewhat sketchy memory.

We left off here.

Contractions were mildly intense but not so bad that I couldn't talk in between. Sue came over and hung out a bit. Matt and Sue went to Triple A to get the car seats adjusted in the car. Up until about 2 minutes before they left, I was going to go with them, but then I had another contraction and decided I didn't really want to go through that in a AAA parking lot, so I stayed home. Sue went to get Brett from BART and they came over for a bit. I think Brett was a little floored that I was having contractions with him at the house. Around 11:00am or so, Matt started timing them again and they were getting closer and closer together- about 4-5 minutes apart so we called Tenaya. She came over around noon and just hung out. Brett and Sue went to China Town to get out for awhile. Matt stayed with me and was an amazing support (figuratively and literally) the entire time. Around 4pm or so, the contractions started to get more intense- so much so that I wasn't able to talk much in between. Brett and Sue left around this time, I think.

Around 7pm or so, I started to go through transition. Of course, I didn't really know it at the time but the contractions shifted. During the prior contractions, I was able to moan deeply (with Matt's coaching) and really turn inward. During transition, I just couldn't get my voice to deepen and was screaming more and more. The pain was more intense and I could feel it/him move down my back/pelvis. That part was "kinda" cool. I had to keep repeating to myself...."My body was meant to do this. My body is strong" just to make it through the next contraction without giving up completely. I wanted to shut down and shut it off! At one point I said "I just want to curl up and die!" and I truly did. I have never had pain so intense and not be able to turn it off. I often thought my migraines would prepare me for birth... and they did- for the first part... but during this time, it was so different. When I have a migraine, it's intense, I want to die- but the pain waxes and wanes. I often can go to sleep and feel a reprieve. Not so much with labor. It's constant with a 10 second reprieve before it starts up again. By 8 or 9 pm, I was really, really tired and just wanted a little break- but no such luck.

Tenaya had suggested that I get in the tub- and I did- 3 different times throughout labor. Around 9:15pm, I got in the tub for the last time. It was immediate relief, but the pain came right back within a minute or so in the tub.

Tenaya had checked me around 9:30 or so and I was 8 cm on one side and 9/10 on the other side, so I still had a bit of cervix in the way that needed to go away before I could push but the pushing contractions were there and they were strong. It took me a good 10-15 minutes to get up the nerve/energy/stamina to try to get out of the tub so that she could check me and/or push that last bit out of the way. Just as I was getting ready to get out of the tub so that could happen, she asked if I wanted her to check me in the tub and I agreed. Hallelujah! I was 10cm all around. Good thing too, because the contractions to push were nearly impossible to stop. To me, they felt like you had to take the biggest poop in the world and oh, shit! you aren't on the toilet, so you try to stop it, it doesn't really work and it hurts like hell to actually let it push out. Nice picture, huh?

After about an hour of pushing, I felt his head crown and let me tell you- it's one weird feeling. Like you are pushing a giant cantelope sized tampon out of your vagina.... and then it goes back in... and comes back out....and goes back in. He crowned and went back in about 4 or 5 times and by this point I was D.O.N.E. I wanted the little fucker out.. and that's what I kept saying to myself. I had told myself... this time he'll come, but in reality it was 3 or 4 more times but on the last push, I pushed with all my might and his head came out. Tenaya wasn't quite ready for that but alas, I wanted the little fucker OUT! Once his head was out, I wanted to be done (see a theme here?) and pushed his shoulders out without a huge contractions but it needed to be OVER!

After all was said and done, Matt joked that he hadn't seen my eyes in over 8 hours because I was so internally focused I didn't even look at him!

Cassius was born at 11:07pm in the birth tub in our dining room. He weighed 8lbs, 14 oz about an hour after he was born (She also weighed him in a 9lbs, 2 oz 30 seconds earlier but declaired his weight the lower one so that weight loss in the first week would not send him to the hospital). He was 21" long and I believe his head was 13" around. His second APGAR score was a 9 and was/is beautiful! He has a Dohlman "butt" chin and lots of dark hair!

And out he came, perfectly healthy and perfectly pink. You might remember the little heartrate scare that had us (and Tenaya) a bit worried... Well, it was all for naught. He was perfect. He got a 9 on his APGAR and they put him in my arms. Right after I delivered him, I was bleeding quite a bit (the photo of us in the tub is not a pretty one) and so Tenaya pushed on my stomach to encourage the placenta to deliver. I didn't really have a contraction (or at least it was about .00001% of the intensity of what I just went through) so when I felt a slight twinge, I pushed to deliver it. Then Michelle (the baby midwife) handed Cassius and the placenta to Matt and off they went to the couch to hang out (and let the cord go limp) while I got on the floor to try to stop the bleeding (pic above it me hanging out on the floor, holding him after the cord was cut). I hung out there for awhile, then went to the bathroom to try to pee (a full bladder does not allow your uterus to contract) to no avail, and then ended up in the bed.

Tenay and Michelle did an exam on Cassius and determined all was well (I remember her specifically saying both his testicles had descended!). At this point I was too weak to hold him much or care about much, so after an attempted catheter and some contracting drugs and more clotting/bleeding, the ambulance was called around 3 am and off to the hospital I went.

Meanwhile, Michelle got Cassius dressed and ready. (I managed to have the energy to tell her that he had a matching hat that went with his outfit!) and he and Matt followed the ambulance. His first car ride into Berkeley at only 3 hours old! Ron and Sue met us (and Cassius) at the hospital.

At the hospital, they gave me a few drugs via IV and monitored me (aka I sat in bed and they came by every few hours) and I was discharged around 8am. The best part of the hospital visit (other than that they didn't have to do an ultrasound) was that I got two amazing cotton blankets out of the ordeal! Cassius was able to be in bed with me the entire time, even though he wasn't interested in nursing.

As I write this 3 weeks to the day after he was born, I'm finally feeling mostly "healed" down below after a rough couple of weeks and since he slept for a 4 hour and then a 3 hour stretch last night, I feel I can conquer the world (or at least our little world).

So glad to get this down in writing.... Welcome to the world little Monkey! We love you!