Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Looking to feel guilty...a new mom's new worry?

Read Ask Moxie today and someone commented that they were glad they documented via a blog so they could remember those tough times (and the dates/times they happened).

Since last Friday, we've been working on sleep training with Cash (13 weeks/3 months).  Before then, we were starting to see patterns in the co-sleeper and in bed with us.  Matt was also starting to get concerned with space in the bed and that Cash might fall out/off when he was on the outside in order to feed on that side.  I was concerned because he would sleep for 5 hours, then wake every 1 or 2 after that to nurse back to sleep (even though I knew he didn't "need" the feeding).  Although I didn't mind sharing my space in bed, my back was starting to hurt from arching it when he kicked my legs (I hate my legs/feet being touched at night).

Friday was his first night in the crib and right now (it's Tuesday), the details are blurry (already).  I started to read Ferber on Sunday and on Monday night we started the "cry it out" method and actually followed it (and didn't cave and bring him to bed, or bounce him, or try to soothe him back to sleep).

Since I can actually remember the details of the night... here goes:
He wanted to go to sleep around 7:30, so we read a book (Good Night Gorilla) and he nursed.  I put him down asleep but he woke/stirred when I put him in the crib.  He stirred/whimpered for about 3-4 minutes and was asleep.  Score!  He slept like a champ- until about 11:30pm.  We let him cry, in his crib, only going in to comfort him on the progressive waiting approach (it ended up being up to about 20 minutes between comforting attempts because he would often quiet down for 3-4 minutes and then start back up again).  He cried (off and on) until 1pm.  Then I fed him (per his "normal" routine pre sleep training) and he put him back in his bed (he was passed out).  He slept until 4:20 or so and then woke crying.  Again, progressive waiting to comfort and he was back asleep by 5:10.  He woke (no crying, just a little whimper) at 7:15.  I went up to get him- and got the. biggest. smile.  Good Morning!

Tonight's the second night of hard core Ferber method, and it's going well.  I put him down (totally not asleep tonight, but we went through our night time routine, but he was being feisty with the boob) and he cried for about 6 minutes, and then he passed out.  It's now been 2 hours, and he's still asleep.

The funny thing is that I feel great.  I keep thinking I should feel guilt, I should be looking for or seeing signs that I am breaking trust with my child, that he is going to hate me or not want to be near me or something.  But I don't.  I feel like a new mom- invogorated and excited to be with my kid.  Excited for bedtime.  Excited for morning.  Even looking forward to that middle of the night feeding. 

I never thought I would be that parent who would let their child cry it out, let alone at 3 months old.  It's still too early to shout from the rooftops, but damn, I feel great about this.  Naptime is a  different story, but I feel confident that we can work on that too.... when he/we are ready.

Here's to many good nights and good mornings and good days.

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